


Teach Me How to Say Goodbye

by GinnyK



Series: The World Turned Upside Down [4]
Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Heartbreak, Marissa is not married, Post ep The Ground Beneath Their Feet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 18:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Post Ep for Season 3 Episode 1, The Ground Beneath Their Feet.





	Teach Me How to Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks to Lin-Manuel Miranda for the title.

_CP-Found him.  He didn’t know, I told him and he asked to be alone._

_MM-thanks.  Where is he now?_

_CP-left him in his office._

_MM-I’ll text him.  So much for an easy transition back to work._

_CP-yeah, so much for that. I’ll see you in the morning.  Text if you need anything_

_MM-thanks._

_****_

_MM-Are you still in your office?_

_JB-yes_

_MM-stay put, I’ll be there in 15 minutes_

_JB-okay_

_MM-do you need anything?_

_JB-short of a time machine, no_

_MM-okay_

Marissa left the bar where she had been sitting with Benny and Danny trying to process what had happened.  She grabbed a quick cab back to the TAC offices.  In the back seat she sent up a quick little prayer that Bull would still be sober when she got to him.

Once on the elevator she fumbled a little with her access card, due to a combination of unbelievable sadness, fear and 2 glasses of wine.  She popped a mint into her mouth and took a deep breath to center herself as the doors slid open.  The office was essentially dark but she could see the lamp on the end table in Bull’s office was on.  She found him in the same chair Chunk had left him in.  There were no bottles of liquor on the shelf and no half empty glasses on the coffee table. Marissa knocked softly and pushed the door open.  He gave a little wave in her direction to let her know he’d heard her come in.  His glasses were in his lap and he had tears just streaming down his cheeks, tears he was making no effort to stop or wipe away.  She dropped her bag on the other side chair and sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He leaned forward to put his knees on his elbows and head in his hands.  Marissa reached over and grabbed his glasses before they ended up on the floor.  She pressed a kiss to the top of his head as she reached for his hands.  His silent tears soon turned to heartbreaking sobs and she was genuinely afraid he was going to end up toppling over onto the floor.

“Jason, come over to the couch,” she whispered as she stood up.  He reluctantly allowed her to pull him to his feet. She managed to slip off his suit jacket as he pushed himself to his feet and got his bearings, sort of.  The 5 foot distance between the chair and the couch was much harder to navigate than it should have been.  His foot caught on the table leg and both of them almost ended up on the floor.

Finally she got him settled in the corner of the couch.  She reached over to take off his tie and unbutton his white dress shirt a little.  After kicking off her shoes she sat sideways, tucking her feet under her.

“Jason, honey, I need you to take a deep breath and hold it,” she said quietly as she reached out to hook a finger under his chin so she could get him to look her in the eye.  He gave a slight nod and did his best to try to regulate his breathing a little.  Like Marissa he was also very concerned he was about to hyperventilate.  She looked around, spotting a brown paper bag on his desk, probably from the bagel he’d eaten earlier in the day.  As she got up off the couch to reach for it, Bull grabbed her hand, thinking she was leaving him alone.  “I’m right here,” she assured him as she was able to snag the bag from the desk without letting go of his hand.  “You need this?” she asked, waving the bag as she sat back down.  He shook his head and took a few nice deep breaths.  She handed him some tissues, keeping a few for herself.

“I’m okay,” Bull whispered a few minutes later. She smiled sadly at him, not believing for a minute that he was okay, none of them were.  But she was fairly certain he wasn’t about to end upon the floor.

They spent the next 15 minutes talking quietly about Cable and what had happened.  Marissa was able to fill in a few more details beyond what Chunk had told him an hour earlier. 

“Where were you when Danny came by to tell everyone what had happened?  You disappeared without a word.  A habit we will be talking about soon, by the way,” she added with a grin.

“I went to the airport,” he said simply, without any sort of explanation.

“Airport?” Marissa asked, totally confused.

“I went to find the family.  I had to make things right,” he said cryptically.

Marissa eyed him for a minute.  “You gave them the money, didn’t you?”  He just nodded.  She ruffled his hair a bit.  “I’m proud of you,” she whispered.

“I’m proud of me too, for what it’s worth,” he muttered as he reached for his glasses.

“It’s most certainly worth something.  Did you eat anything?” Marissa asked, pretty sure she knew the answer to that question.

“No,” he replied, looking appropriately guilty.

“Okay, then pack up so we can get out of here and go eat something.   McLoone’s or the diner near your place?”

“Diner, no tempting liquor there.”

“Let’s go,” Marissa said as she stood up and slipped on her shoes.  She turned off his computer as he put his own shoes back on.  Marissa picked up her bag and his backpack as Bull slipped his jacket on and shoved his tie in the pocket.

*****

Half an hour later they were seated in back booth of their favorite diner.  Both had decaf tea in front of them and matching devastated looks on their faces.  They didn’t talk much while they waited for their food.  Marissa tried a few times to start a conversation but Bull didn’t seem capable of anything more elaborate than one or two word answers to her questions and comments.

Bull did eat, digging into his plate of pancakes as soon as they were set down in front of him.  Marissa was happy to see that.  She ate her scrambled eggs and toast, trying to think of something to say that might actually start a conversation.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Bull muttered as he wiped a bit of syrup off his face.

“Do what?” Marissa asked as she spread some grape jelly on her toast.

“Say goodbye.  I’ve never been really good at it.  You can ask any numbers of ex-girlfriends,” he said with a sad smile.

“I understand.  You and Cable have been through a lot in the past year or so.  And with things being as they are, there is very little chance for closure.”

“It just sucks,” he muttered as he tossed his glasses aside and rubbed at his eyes a bit.  Marissa handed him a tissue out of her purse which he took with a grateful smile. 

“Yes, it truly does suck,” she said as she reached across the table to squeeze his hand. 

“I’ll call her mother in the morning.  Offer my condolences.  I know she didn’t come from much, I’ll offer to pay for things, which might give them one less thing to worry about.”

“Sounds like a plan.  We can do something for everyone at the office one night next week.”

“Yeah,” Bull agreed as he stabbed the last piece of pancake on his plate.

“How have you been feeling?  How’s the Lexapro working out?” Marissa asked as she pushed aside her empty plate and reached for her tea.

“Taking longer to kick in than I would like, to be honest.  Still a little anxious and edgy.  Was considering calling the doctor to talk about something PRN, at least until the Lexapro kicks in more.”

“And with the events of tonight, that might be a good idea,” Marissa said with a sad smile as the waitress dropped off the check.  They both reached for it and Bull just rolled his eyes at her until she let go.  He dropped they money, along with a generous tip on the table and stood up carefully.

*****

“You’ll be okay by yourself tonight?” Marissa asked as they stepped out onto the street.

“About as okay as you’ll be,” he answered as he flung his backpack over one shoulder.

“Yeah.  Take a sleeping pill.  Text if you need anything.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Thanks as usual for looking out for me,” he said with a small smile.  He leaned over and kissed her cheek before stepping towards the curb to hail her a cab.

“You’re welcome, as always,” Marissa said over her shoulder as she slid into the cab.  The lights of the city blurred with her tears as the cab pulled away.  Jason gave one last little wave and headed for home.


End file.
